Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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