i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
