Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
