so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My balls are so social today.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
