loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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