I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
