If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
