Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
