He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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