Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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