she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
