I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
