Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
