i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
