Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
