You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
