Me. At least after what I've been through.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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