I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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