How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
