I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
