Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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