Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
