He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just puked most of my soul out..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize