He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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