I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
