So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize