jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize