i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize