I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
please come you make the beer taste better
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize