Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
