Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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