the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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