you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize