I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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