My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
