Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
