But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize