OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
