just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
