Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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