I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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