Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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