so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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