I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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