They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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