I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I want a musical about memes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
