I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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