Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
