I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
