i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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