I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I miss vodka workout Fridays
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
