you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
