So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
