Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
