bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
