All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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