the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
