I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Houston, we have a squirter
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
