Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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