I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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