Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
