For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
