Nicole vs. Life
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
