The maid of honor just puked.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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