Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
