Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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