i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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