I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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