The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
