I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize