When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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